Advice from Dogs
By Matt • Apr 28th, 2009 • Category: Funny Dogs, Pet Humor- Always choose the second-most comfortable chair. If you choose the best chair, someone will make you move.
- Have some pride. Don’t beg.
- Show a deep interest in what others are doing. For example, if someone likes gardening, GET INVOLVED. Help dig.
- A handshake is the proper greeting. Don’t sniff someone’s butt. Things will get off to a bad start.
- Don’t stand up in a moving vehicle.
- Pace yourself. Periods of high activity should be followed by a nap.
- If you have to throw up, move off the rug.
- Don’t whine. If you do, someone will eventually just tell you to “quit whining.”
- If someone is sleeping, sleep right along with him.
- Be friendly.
- If you put your head out the car window, keep your mouth shut.
- Remember: Give others privacy in the bathroom. It’s OK, though, to lie down in front of the door until they come out. (Also, there’s no secret exit from the bathroom, so whoever went in will eventually come out. See “Don’t whine.”)
- Never eat a stick.
- It’s more important to be nice than to be rich - as long as there’s enough money for Greenies.
- Bees are not meant to be toyed with.
- It is good to take walks, greet the neighbors, then go back home where you belong.
- Avoid having a whole litter of children. If you do, someone might sell them.
- Never chase cars.
- Hot air balloons probably won’t harm you, but why take the chance? Go to the basement if one comes by.
- Be yourself. A pretentious dog - or person - is a laughingstock.
- Sit in the shade.
- Once in a while, run real fast for no reason.
- Don’t eat soap. (See item on “throwing up.”)
- Try not to let others choose your mate for you.
- Don’t take yourself too seriously, but if you have a job, such as keeping an eye on the squirrel, take your work seriously.
- Don’t hold a grudge. (A little sulking behind the shed is OK.)
- If someone comes home late, be happy to see him.
- In Frisbee, what matters the most is really wanting to catch it.
- Be humble. If you’re not, others will just say, “He sure does think he’s something, doesn’t he,” and then you’re automatically not something anymore.
- Be careful around people with crutches.
- Don’t be alarmed when a skateboard goes by.
- Never sneak sips from someone’s beer glass. It catches up with you.
- In a pinch, if you feel confused, sit.